He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
