I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I know her cup size but not her name....
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
