I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize