Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
