My sheets look like a crime scene.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
