just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Randomize
