I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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