i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
