never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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