We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
