Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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