he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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