this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
