I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
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