Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
