I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
