it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
