Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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