Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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