So drunk its hurt
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
