I love black thongs
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
