Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
