Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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