Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize