is your mom at the bar?
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
