apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
