happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
the room spins SO much faster in panama
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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