it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
