yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
false alarm. still invincible.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
