I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
nutella sex= disaster
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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