look no pants
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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