I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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