if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I puked a lego.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
