i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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