i wish peter jackson would direct porn
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
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