I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Randomize
