yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize