I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
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