she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
