take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
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