Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
