Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Randomize
