i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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