someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
