I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
