Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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