Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
