Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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