So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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