He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
