Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
