my phone needs a breathalizer
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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