Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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