Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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