Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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