I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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