Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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