Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
