He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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