I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
