Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
