The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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