I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
