Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize