I don't usually arrange sex via text message
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
