You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Randomize
