Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
