I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
