Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
