A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
