If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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