I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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