Having a random hookup so left but love u
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Randomize
