you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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