And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
