I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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