Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
no more duck duck goose at the bar
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Randomize
