I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
