All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
