I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
