She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
