I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
