WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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