I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
