new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
