Swine flu. Run for my life!
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
