It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize