I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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