I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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