sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
they need to just BURY HIM!
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
