No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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