I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
