I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
