last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
