please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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