The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize