I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
