Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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