i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
im six kinds of drunk right now
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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