My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
