Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize