I want to make a zoo with you.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
