windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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