I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
