Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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