is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
