'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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