if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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