Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Just high enough for therapy.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
