I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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