Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
