I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
