I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
