I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Randomize
