dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
